A Simple Readers Weirdness
by SariaHael
Summary: Reader Insert story- So many men, so little time. How is Reader-tan supposed to keep up with it all! So far we have Joker, Ace, Julius, Boris, and The Bloody Twins. Who shall be next? Send me your requests and find out!
1. JokerxReader

**Hello. This is my first story in a long time, so I hope it's good. If you'd like to make a readerxwhoever request, tell me in a review! Joker is my absolute favorite guy(s) in all of Wonderland, so I hope you enjoy it! I'll put more stuff about the requests at the bottom of this fic.**

**Annotation Guide**

**(y/n)-Your name**

**(h/l)-Hair length**

**(h/c)-Hair color**

**(e/c)-Eye color**

**Reviews are love~**

**~~~~~~~~~~Black** and _White~~~~~~~~~~_

Today started off pretty weird. Then again, it's always pretty weird in Wonderland, what with the random time changes and the fact that every person here _will_ fall in love with you, no exceptions. Most are still pining over Alice (a sweet if a bit naive girl), but you've noticed some interested glances being shot your way from time to time. While flattering at first, now it makes you _really_ uncomfortable. Especially around Ace. If that guy jumps you to listen to your heart and possibly rape you _one more __**FREAKING TIME-**_

But back on topic. It was a weird morning, which matched the rest of Wonderlands weirdness, and truth be told you were getting sick of it. All you wanted was a bit of normalcy, time with people that weren't contemplating jumping your bones, was that too much to ask? You didn't think so. And Alice didn't count, since she was practically attached to the asshole Bloods hip. Call you a slut huh? You'll show him who's boss one of these days… Anyways…

You decided to go on a walk, just to be by yourself. You packed a few sandwiches, and set off into the woods. In hindsight, that wasn't your best plan. As you walked along, you noticed the trees getting thicker around you. Worried you'd get your (h/l) (h/c) caught in the branches, you ducked down, squinting your (e/c) eyes against the onslaught of leaves. Unfortunately, due to this eye-squinting, you didn't notice that you were coming to a large drop off till you were tumbling down it. You screamed, and hit the all-of-a-sudden _**extremely**_ close ground with a hard **THUD**. Your vision tunneled, and just before you drifted off into the land of darkness and dreams, you blearily noticed the trees had multicolored signs on them.

~~~~~~~~~~_White_ and **Black**~~~~~~~~~~

You slowly drifted back into the world of the waking, and your vision was assaulted with a red haired clown smiling beatifically down at you. It was Joker, White to be specific. His presence didn't help your headache one freaking bit. I mean, he's handsome, and nice, and has a dark side which is kinda sexy, but you went on your walk to get _away_ from the weirdness. It's just your luck that you'd end up with one of the weirdest roleholders in Wonderland.

"_Ah, it seems our little foreigner has come to! How are you feeling (y/n) dear?"_

"**Let's hope she's not fucking brain damaged. The slut had barely any shitty brain cells to begin with!"**

Ah, there was Black, standing off to the side. You giggle despite yourself. Black was just too funny. Now, one may wonder why you find Black cussing you out hilarious, but Blood calling you names infuriating. It was an easy answer. Blood means it in the worst way possible, he wants you to be hurt and to feel insecure about yourself. Black was just a troll. A really funny, handsome, buff troll. So you were _very_ cool with him. Nudge nudge wink wink.

"Awww Black, you admit I have brain cells! That could be misconstrued as a compliment! I'm so proud of you! And yes, I'm fine White. Thanks for taking care of me! Umm" You look around, not recognizing the luxurious stone room. "Where am I?"

White laughs as Black fumes, grumbling that whatever brain cells you had were so fucking shitty that it didn't matter whether you had them or not.

"_It was no trouble dear. As for where you are, this is Blacks room in the prison."_

You raise one eyebrow in surprise. Black has _taste_?! Le gasp! Then again, White has taste, and aren't they just two versions of one Joker, the only difference being how they express themselves? You think that's how they explained it to you. Uhggg, thinking about it too hard makes your head throb painfully. You sit up and clutch at your head, a grimace marring your pretty face.

"_Oh my! You must have hit your head harder than we thought! Why don't you just rest here for a while, till your head feels better?"_

You are tempted at the offer, but you see the gleam of something dark in the pair's eyes. As much as you like them, and you _do_ like them, you know they are the very definition of dangerous. And while being dangerous adds to their dark charm, you're already injured. No need to get locked in some dank cell somewhere in the prison while you're at it.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to decline. I told Boris I'd hang out with him after I went on my walk, and I wouldn't want to keep him waiting!" Lies. You told no one about your walk in fear that someone would follow you or insist about coming along so that they may 'protect' you. Hmph. Yeah freaking right.

They didn't seem to buy it. Black stomped over to you, pinning you in place with his dark glare.

"**Listen bitch. You're staying in this fucking bed until you're actually able to stand up without fucking collapsing in agony! I'd ask if you were dropped on your head but I already know the fucking answer to that, don't I?!"**

You send him a glare and stick out your tongue.

"I am not in agony and I am not staying!"

White sits on your other side and gently takes your hand in his.

_"Ah, but (y/n), we can see you're in pain. How could we, in good conscious, let you leave when you may have a concussion?"_

You suppress a snort. Right, good conscious. Good conscious and Joker go together like oil and water. You attempt once more to get out of bed, but Whites strong grip on your hand and Blacks rough pushing on your shoulders sends you flying back into Whites chest. Black climbs onto the bed and directly in front of you. You're trapped. Shit.

"_How rude, it's almost as if our little foreigner didn't want to be here. But of course that can't be the case, right (y/n)?"_ His lips brush against the back of your neck as his breath tickle your ear. You shudder despite yourself. What should you say? What should you do?

Black leans in on your other side, nuzzling your neck in a surprisingly gentle gesture.

"**Feh, even if it fucking was, we'd never let you go."**

That startled you. Aside from the swearing, that sounded very White-like.

"_You may be slow, but even you have to understand this."_

Was that White?! What was with the insults! And- _**OH MY GOD**_! White-or who you think is White-just licked your _freaking_ neck and-_**OH MY GOD**_- he is _sucking_ your neck! Your (e/c) eyes widen as Black raises his head from your neck-and it _is_ Black, you can see his uniform-to look at you. A vicious smile lights up his handsome features as he leans in even closer. You can feel his warm breath playing across your lips as he kisses you, so impossibly gentle.

Meanwhile, White is nipping a trail down your neck, silently marking his claim. You're so confused, everything is all backwards. White is being aggressive and Black is being gentle. Has the world flipped upside down? Is the apocalypse nigh? Are cats and dogs raining from the-OH

Taking advantage of your distraction, Black slips his tongue into your mouth, coaxing your tongue into action. You moan, slipping your arms around his neck. Both of the Jokers stiffen at the sound, before redoubling their efforts to drive you crazy. Black cups your face in his hands, stroking your red cheeks. White shifts his hand up your side and into your shirt, biting your ear between his abnormally sharp teeth.

"_**Fuck, you're so beautiful…"**_

Who said that? Was it White, playing with your (h/c) locks as one hand travels underneath your shirt? Or was it black, who was peppering kisses across your face?

"_**I'd do anything, kill anyone, so that you could stay."**_

You conclude, as you throw back your head to give them better access, that it was Joker speaking, not White or Black specifically. In this moment it was like they merged, one person with two bodies. Somehow you had attracted the most dangerous, weird roleholder in Wonderland. And God, you are absolutely okay with that.

"_**I love you (y/n)"**_

"I love you Joker."

~~~~~~~~~~_**Grey**_~~~~~~~~~~

**If you can't tell, I had no idea how to end this, so if there's a lone beta out there who wants to help me out, I would be very thankful. Anyways, about the readerxwhoever requests, here are the simple rules**

**No lemon. Nothing that would make me change this from T to M.**

**You can specify, but don't over-specify.**

**(ex-I want her to be really nice but not too nice and I want Boris to love her but feel conflicted because Ace also loves her and they're best friends and for Blood to be mixed in there too)**

**No gore/rape/murder**

**That's it! Send me a review if you have a request! If not, review and tell me how you loved it! If you didn't love it, tell me what I should fix! In short, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **


	2. AcexTsundere Reader

**Hi guys! I'm doing my best to update while I'm in the ~zone~. This story request is from my first reviewer greensaber92, who is awesome. She requested a Tsunsdere!ReaderxAce fic, and I shall oblige (Ace is my second favorite anyways)... Sleeping Moon, I will get your chapter up soon!**

**Now, I had a reviewer ask me to clarify the annotations I use in my story. Please tell me if I miss any.**

**(y/n)-Your name**

**(h/l)-Hair length**

**(h/c)-Hair color**

**(e/c)-Eye color**

**Now sit back, relax, and review at the end~**

~~~~~~~~~~Heartbeat~~~~~~~~~~

Stupid Ace. Stupid birds. Stupid forest. But most of all, stupid you. What the hell were you thinking? Really, you want to know! Who in their right mind would accept Ace's help in getting somewhere? They must be fucked up in the head to-

You know what, being pissed at yourself takes too much energy. You'd much rather be pissed at Ace. He's the one that got the two of you here, wandering helplessly around the forest… Well, at least in your case. Ace, no matter how much of an idiot he is, has a sword and knows how to use it. Personally, you don't know how he hasn't lopped off an arm or something, all you can assume is that Ace has a _severely _overworked Guardian Angel. That is, if Wonderland even has angels…

How long has it been since you were dropped here in this hell-hole? That day you had broken up with your ass of a boyfriend after discovering how much of a chronic liar he was. All the things he told you… the car, the job, the girl… Feh! It's not like you really liked him, he was just a good kisser… and he treated you like a princess… Maybe that's why you _almost_ liked Ace. He was always pretty honest, to the point of being blunt…

ACK! You tripped on a raised tree root, you guessed you deserved after zoning out so hard. Quick as lightning, Ace turned around and caught you in his arms, his usual cheerful smile firmly in place.

"Haha~ Be careful (y/n)! You could have hit your head pretty hard!"

You scowl, and jump out of his arms.

"Oh shut it. Where the hell are we, anyways? You said you knew a quick way to the Clocktower, and that was two goddamn hours ago!"

Ace scratched his head, looking befuddled.

"Ahhh~ I don't know. I could have sworn it was just over here… But it's okay! I've never been in these woods before, exploring them is like an adventure~!"

You swear you're gonna pop a blood vessel. It's gonna pop, and all of your blood is going to splatter on your face and it'll ruin your clothes, cause if there's one thing you've learned in Wonderland, it's how hard it is to get bloodstains out of clothes.

"Well you can play pretend adventures all you want, but I promised Julius I'd be at the _fucking Clocktower_ already! I swear if you make me get one more punctuality lecture from him I'm gonna-"

Ace interrupts you mid-rant, pointing at the sky, which is rapidly changing from bright blue to pitch black.

"It looks like we'll have to camp out till the next time change. Darn~"

Why do you get the feeling he's not as dejected at this turn of events as he appears? Oh right, because this is Wonderland and you're not a fucking idiot.

You grudgingly help set up the tent, which seemed much smaller on the outside than it really was. Ah well, more space for you to put between you and Ace. Together you get it up in no time, and Ace brings out a few sandwiches from god-only-knows where. You sniff at it, trying to smell any kind of possible tampering, and take a small bite. Then a bigger bite. Then you shove the rest in your mouth.

What? You haven't eaten in hours!

Ace seems amused by this. You send him a glare, then burrow yourself into your sleeping bag. Psh, who is he to judge you? At least you aren't a murdering idiot who can't take four steps in any direction before getting lost.

You stay there for a while, doing your best to pretend to sleep. You here Ace shuffle around the tent, coming very close o you a few times, but never touching you. Good. You didn't want Ace to touch you… or run his hand through your hair… or kiss you…

God, you're stupid when you're tired. You should just get to sleep already…

~~~~~~~~~~Heartbeat~~~~~~~~~~

Hmmmm, it's so nice and warm. You dream of mushy things that you would never admit to when you wake. Things like whispered words, gentle kisses, and warm arms holding you closely. They cradle you, hands softly stroking your (h/l), (h/c) hair. You sigh contentedly against your dream mans chest, and the arms tighten around you... Arms too real to be a dream.

Your (e/c) eyes shoot open, and you begin to thrash. It does nothing, no matter how hard you try, Ace-cause it could only be Ace- just chuckled and tightened his grip. There's no point in screaming, the two of you were deep in the woods, the only things that would hear you were whatever nocturnal animals Wonderland housed. You did it anyways, curse words spewing from your mouth at the top of your lungs. Eventually, you grow silent and still, waiting to see what your companion will do now.

It's quiet for a few moments, as if you've stunned even the crickets with your potty mouth. Then Ace speaks, and it's different than how he usually sounds. The tone is cheerful... but there's an edge to it, sharp and noticeable like the blade of a knife... Or a sword.

"My~ Those were some pretty naughty words (y/n). Where did you learn them, I wonder? Perhaps Black Joker? Or was it a lover left behind in your world?"

You freeze. You had _never_ spoken about your ex. The subject was a taboo for you... N-not because it still hurt or anything, just because you knew all the idiots in Wonderland would feel jealous or try and comfort you when you were just _fine_. Ace couldn't possibly know about him... right?

"Ah~ Did I touch a nerve? I'm sorry, I just wanted to see why your heart is beating so fast. I can see your pulse jumping in your pretty little neck. Is it because of the thought of your lover?"

You regain your voice, finally, though it is a bit more shaky than you had hoped.

"N-no! Don't talk about him, you bastard!"

Ace pulls you up more until you are face-to-face, his red eyes meeting your terrified (e/c).

"So if it's not him who has you so worked up, who could it possibly be? Julius? Joker? Or perhaps... Me?"

At that last word, his arms grip you and turn you around. Now you are laying on the ground face up, arms gripped in one of Aces large hands. His other is pulling down your shirt ever so casually. You try to buck up your hips to dislodge him, but that just makes his grin widen.

"Hehe~ Let's save that for later, shall we? What I want right now is to hear your heart _race_."

He positions his head on your breast, listening to your wildly thumping heart. God your so scared, but mixed in with that fear was a sliver of excitement rapidly growing. Ace is attractive, you silently admit to yourself, and strong and dangerous and honest and everything your ex wasn't. Your eyes are fixed on Aces, and his on yours. They're so strange, so beautifully strange...

"A-Ace"

Your voice is barely audible, a whisper of a whisper. Still, Ace heard it, though you aren't sure how with how loud your heart is beating.

"Yes (y/n)?"

Why does he sound so fucking casual while you're barely able to keep your composure, or what little of it you have left? His free hand is stroking your side gently, slowly traveling lower to your hip bone. It feels... Too good, it's making your head fuzzy.

"A-Ace, please." You're not sure whether you're asking him to stop or to continue.

Ace, that bastard, moves up from your exposed chest to mouth at your pulse point. You give a startled moan and shudder. He nips, not at all gently, and you gasp. Fuck, what is he doing to you? You can still see his eyes, ruby red. It suits him.

"You're mine now, (y/n). Now and forever."

~~~~~~~~~~Silence~~~~~~~~~~

**Th-Th-That's all, folks! Had some trouble writing this one, I'm pretty much the exact opposite of tsundere, but it was a fun challenge! Now I'm going to repeat what I said at the end of the last chapter in case anyone didn't read it and is now, for some reason, reading this. Here's how it goes. I'll take any readerxwhoever requests as long as it follows these three golden rules:**

**Nothing that could make me change this from T to M.**

**Nothing too specific. (I don't mind clarification, just don't take it too far and give me Every. Last. Detail.)**

**No gore/rape/murder. Unless it's Blood. Jk, not even him.**

**If you ask for any of these, I will do one of to things: Ignore you or point and laugh, then ignore you.**

**Lastly, please review me with any compliments, criticisms, or expressions of love and devotion you may have. Signing off, this has been SariaHael on A Simple Readers Weirdness. Stay tuned for more updates in our continuing story.**


	3. JuliusxReader

**Next chapter! Now I'm doing Silent Moon's JuliusxReader request. Fox Shadow will then be up next with her BorisxTomboy!Reader fic. If anyone else has any requests, please put them in the review!**

**Annotation Guide**

**(y/n)-Your name**

**(h/l)-Hair length**

**(h/c)-Hair color**

**(e/c)-Eye color**

**(f/c)-Favorite color**

**Hope you enjoy the story!**

~~~~~~~~~~Tick Tock~~~~~~~~~

Oh, you're so tired. How could Julius possibly find so much for you to do? All day, you've been running around doing errands for him; help the faceless prepare breakfast, make him coffee, find and bring Ace to him, bring paperwork to Nightmare, make him more coffee, assist Grey in threatening Nightmare, find a certain tool for the clocks, take the coffee cups from his room and then bring him back even more coffee! And, every time you made him coffee, he would judge it… never receiving more than an 87%.

The thing was, you didn't mind helping Julius, just the opposite! You felt that since you're living here, you might as well work for your keep. Plus, it's not like the tasks he gave you were very hard. The problem was that, you were so busy every day running around the tower, that you never really got to see Julius anymore. At first, you brushed it off as a coincidence that he always gave you work that would require almost no contact with him, but after two weeks, you knew he was avoiding you. And it hurt.

You didn't know when your feelings of friendship and admiration turned into something more, but there's no denying that it did. Julius was an anchor in the storm of absolute crazy that was Wonderland. While everyone else was falling and fighting over you, Julius was there with books and good conversation. Huh, you guess it's pretty ironic that the one man who didn't fall for you is the one man you wanted. Ironic and heartbreaking!

Then a thought hit you, and it felt like a knife in your chest. What if Julius somehow found out about your feelings for him, and that's why he's avoiding you? Julius is so awkward, he wouldn't know how to respond to something like that. He's probably doing it for both of your sakes-this way he doesn't have to be in the position to break your heart.

You blink back tears and tighten your hands into fists. Well, if that's the case, you know of one person that can confirm it for you. You've avoided using this option until now, for you considered it an invasion of privacy, but you're done with second guessing yourself.

It's time to talk to Nightmare.

~~~~~~~~~~Tick Tock~~~~~~~~~

You don't bother to knock as you walk into Nightmare's office since he's probably heard your thoughts from the stairs. You walk onto a scene that at one time would have sent you into hysterics. Now, it only makes you giggle softly.

Nightmare is on his knees in front of Grey, clutching the lizard man's shirt tightly, crocodile tears streaming down his face. Grey is lecturing him about the importance of the enormous pile of paperwork behind him. Nightmare, meanwhile, is seemingly begging for a break, complaining that he's too sick to work; the usual! The thing that tops the whole scene off is that Nightmare is currently in baby blue cloud pajamas and wrapped tightly in a sunshine-yellow quilt.

At your giggle, the two men turn to you, though neither are surprised at your presence. Curse Nightmare and Grey for their mind-reading and mad assassin skillz! There's no such thing as a surprise party with these two. You would know, you tried.

"Hello (y/n). I was just attempting to get Nightmare to fill out these very important forms. Care to join me?" Grey says, a small smile in place.

You shake your head regretfully.

"Sorry Grey, I wish I could, but I have to talk with Nightmare…privately, if that's possible."

Nightmare jumps on the idea-anything to prolong paperwork. Grey doesn't seem to be very happy, but whether it's because you excluded him from this conversation or whether he's upset at the deviation from work, you don't know. He nods, and walks out of the room, closing it gently behind him. You wait till you can no longer hear his footsteps, then turn to Nightmare.

"Nightmare, I-", you start off confidently, having practiced what you were going to say, but are quickly interrupted.

"(y/n), you have to realize Julius is not the best when it comes to matters of the heart."

Well, he isn't pulling any punches today, is he? You slump into a chair opposite him.

"So… there's no hope? He really doesn't like me?"

Nightmare smiles, and shakes his head.

"Of course there's hope! I never said there wasn't!"

You narrow your (e/c) eyes at him challengingly.

"You said that he didn't-"

He interrupts you again.

"All I said that was he wasn't good with emotions! I didn't say anything about him not liking you!"

"So does that mean-_Nightmare, if you interrupt me one more time I'm __**locking**__ you in the hospital_-does that mean he does like me?"

Nightmare grins impishly, looking every bit the demon he is.

"Define like~"

You begin to rise out of your chair, murder dancing in your eyes. Nightmare puts his hands up in surrender, looking panicked.

"Okay, okay! He really likes you, but doesn't know how to admit it and he knows how much you hate everyone else falling for you and he doesn't wanna make you uncomfortable but he gets distracted all the time when you're around so _please don't hurt MEEE- __**HUURK**_!"

Nightmare pukes up blood, and you immediately rush to help him.

"For the _love of_-Nightmare, you _need_ a doctor!"

Nightmare groans and pushes you away weakly.

"Nyoooooo~ I hate doctoooors~ I'm fine!"

You sigh, then smile mischievously.

"Well, if you're fine I guess you can do _paperwork_~"

You've spoken the magic words. Nightmare looks at you, betrayed, as Grey seemingly pops in out of nowhere. You laugh at Nightmare's scream of horror as you skip out of the room.

"Thanks for your help, Nightmare! Have fun with your paperwork~"

~~~~~~~~~~Tick Tock~~~~~~~~~

You softly knock on the door to Julius's workshop, feeling both nervous and excited. You're about to confess your feelings and all you can hope was that Nightmare was telling you the truth. You decided to pretty yourself up, putting on a (f/c) casual yet nice dress. You even tried to fix up your (h/l), (h/c) hair, which didn't work as well as you would have liked, but oh well. There's no stopping you now, if you do, you'll never get back the courage.

"Come in."

Well that's your cue! You walk in and close the door behind you. Julius looks up from his work, sapphire eyes notably avoiding your own (e/c). He looks in your general direction for a beat, then speaks in a monotone voice.

"(y/n), I need you to please get me a new socket wrench. I will provide you a budget of-"You raise your hand to stop him, taking two steps toward him.

"Julius." You say softly, then pause. It's as if the words you had practiced so many times in your head had evaporated before leaving your tongue. You steel yourself and push forward.

"Julius, why have you been avoiding me?"

Julius meets your eyes for a brief moment, shocked, before turning his gaze away and recomposing himself.

"I am not avoiding you, (y/n), I have just been particularly busy lately. I apologize if that's what it seemed like."

He actually did look guilty, and you doubt yourself for a moment. What if Nightmare lied? You shook the thought off. Nightmare may tease you sometimes, but he always took care of you and would never lead you to heartbreak.

"Julius, I… I love you. You're the only guy in Wonderland who's understood me, who's listened to me. You've been my rock, my anchor, my refuge in the storm of crazy that's been thrown at me since I arrived. I… I'm not sure if you feel the same, but maybe… Maybe if you gave it a shot, in time… you would?" As you speak this, you let your (h/l) hair fall down across your face, obscuring him from your vision.

It's silent for a moment, with only the rapid beating of your heart ringing in your ears. Then you hear his chair scraping across the floor as you hear him get up and make his way over to you. You look up, only to meet his chest as he wraps his arms around you gently. He speaks slowly, quietly into your (h/c) locks.

"(y/n)… I… I don't know why you care for me over everyone else in Wonderland… But you're- It's not because you're a foreigner… It's because you're… you. Nobody in their right mind wouldn't love you… I don't know how to explain it…"

You smile, happy tears welling up in your eyes. You push back a little against his chest so that you can look at his face. He's blushing tomato red…it's so cute. You giggle, and reach up to kiss his cheek softly. He turns his head to capture your lips and one of his hands moves to caress your cheek. He separates just enough to move his lips.

"I'm so happy you love me, (y/n), when you could have anyone else. I just wish… I could say… what I felt about you."

"You don't need to say it, Julius… I already know."

~~~~~~~~~~Break~~~~~~~~~

**Ahhh, that was my longest chapter yet. And it took the longest to write. I'm not so good with ze fluff, but my mom liked it, so hopefully Silent Moon will too! (Yes my mom reads my stuff! Don't judge us!) Just another reminder of my request rules before signing off:**

**No sexy times. Not even if you beg.**

**No over-specifications. It doesn't help, it restricts my creativity.**

**Nothing violent. Or rape-y. Or murder-y. In short, nothing that can change this from T to M.**

**Reviews tell me that you love me, gives me motivation, and helps me think of what to write next. So review! Or else my mom will lecture at you! Hehe that rhymed~**


	4. BorisxTomboy Reader

**Hey Guys! It's been a week, and I'm trying to figure out my update schedule. So far, with school and work being what it was, I'm figuring one or two chapters over the weekend, maybe more over vacations. Now, I'm going to do Fox Shadows BorisxTomboy!Reader request. After that, I will be writing KISSmeBeccas BloodyTwinsxReader. I'm sorry if I messed up on any of the sports shtuff, I'm not a big sports person. **

**Annotation Guide**

**(y/n)-Your name**

**(h/l)-Hair length**

**(h/c)-Hair color**

**(e/c)-Eye color**

**(y/f/f)-Your favorite food**

**TERMANOLOGY ALERT.**

**I say football instead of soccer since that's what most of the world calls it. Don't be confused. **

**Keep the requests coming, and review review review!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Start~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day was warm, the sun was shining, and the birds were chirping happily. It was perfect for a morning jog, you thought. Having been in Wonderland for a year and a half now, you knew all the paths to and from the different regions, but today you thought you'd go to the amusement park. Again. But really, who could blame you for spending all of your time at a place devoted to fun? Plus, your current boyfriend, Boris, was living there, too.

Personally, you'd kinda like to live with Boris. It's not like he would take advantage of you, and you know Gowland would give you a place to stay… But Peter and Ace would kick up an unholy fuss if you even thought about leaving Heart Castle. That's not even mentioning what Vivaldi would do. The phrase 'off with her head' comes to mind.

You put on your favorite capris and T-shirt, almost forgetting your tennis shoes on the way out. You suppose you're lucky you remembered before you left. You're always forgetting things. I fact, you're sure you're forgetting something right now. After double checking that you've done everything that you needed to, you decide to go. You'll figure it out eventually. Keeping at a steady pace, you figure you'll be there in maybe five minutes.

Ever since you were a child, you loved being outside. Instead of playing barbies and dress up, you wrestled and played war. As you grew older, you joined the school's football team, practicing every day to be the best you could be. You didn't want to brag, but you were the star player. The team became your family, and you do miss them… But you think you'd miss Boris more.

Quickly approaching the amusement park gates, you see someone lounging in a tree outside. As you come closer, you can see a garishly pink boa matched with garishly pink hair. It's Boris, lazily playing with his tail. You smile, and speed up until you're underneath his tree. He notices you immediately, smiling happily as he drops from his tree in front of you.

"Haha, (y/n)! I was wondering when you'd come!"

He was expecting you? How could he know you were coming over today? Well, you guess he just figured you were coming to spend time with him while the weather was so perfect.

"Heya Boris! How've you been? Peter's been going crazy with security after the last time you broke in!"

Boris smirks.

"Hasn't figured out how I get in yet, then?"

You giggle.

"Nope, he doesn't suspect a thing."

Boris wraps an arm around your shoulders, tail curling around one of your legs.

"Good, I'd hate to get you in trouble. Now, let's go! I've got an awesome day planned out for the two of us!" He pulls you along to the gates, and you happily follow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Run~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You'd never tell anyone else, but the amusement park is your favorite place to be. Alice, a foreigner like you who lives with the mafia, has trouble with the rollercoasters here. You have no such problem. The more fast, crazy, and death defying it is, the better! Boris knew this, so he got a special pass from Gowland to get you on a new ride, not yet released to the rest of the park. You kiss him happily before you run to get on, Boris trailing behind you at a leisurely pace.

The ride consists of a large hill that drops off to loop-de-loops and sudden turns that make you feel that you're about to be thrown off. Perfect. You're jumping in your seat as the coaster car clanks up the tall hill, anticipation eating your insides. Boris is laughing at you, but you don't care. You probably look pretty funny anyways.

When you finally reach the top, you look down to the rest of the park, and let out an excited scream. The air slaps against your face, blowing your (h/l), (h/c) hair back. You grip Boris's hand tightly as the car races along the track, the two of you screaming in delight.

The ride ends; too soon for your taste, but oh well. You and Boris stumble off the rollercoaster, the adrenaline still rushing in your veins. Boris leads you to a bench, the two of you waiting to regain your land legs.

"So, (y/n), feeling hungry?" He asks after a moment. As if on cue, your stomach lets out a low growl. Boris's ears are too sensitive to not have heard it, and you blush.

"Urm, yeah. You know of a good place to grab a bite to eat?"

Boris smirk, then jumps up energetically.

"You bet I do! Let's go!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Feint~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In every amusement park you have, maybe, three types of places to eat. The first is the venders along the sides of the walking paths, selling hot dogs and ice cream. The second is the themed restaurants that serve too expensive food, but aren't as expensive as the third type of restaurant, so people grudgingly eat there. The third type of restaurant is for the wealthy few who can afford it, so they are the best tasting and nicest looking.

It is the third type of restaurant that Boris takes you to. Personally, you're confused. Can Boris afford it? Can _you_ afford it? You work occasionally at the castle, and you are paid for your time, but you didn't bring any money with you. Plus, you definitely aren't dressed appropriately for this restaurant. Boris gestures you to follow him inside, so you do.

The two of you are quickly shown to a table, apparently Boris had a reservation. Now you're really confused. How had he planned for you to be here today? The waitress, a faceless woman, comes up to take your orders. You hesitantly get (y/f/f). Boris gets salmon.

"So, uh, what's this all about?" You ask.

Boris chuckles, as if he was waiting for you to ask that.

"I knew you'd forget. But it's ok, if you don't figure out what it is by the end of the day, I'll tell you."

Oh no, you _knew_ you'd forgotten something this morning!

"Can't you tell me now?" You plead.

Boris shakes his head, playful smile still on his lips.

"Don't worry about it, (y/n). I promise you'll know by the end of the day."

You're about to ask again for him to tell you, but it's then that the waitress comes back with your food, and Boris becomes more interested on feasting on the fish than talking with you. You sigh, but begin eating your own food. He is a cat, after all. You can't expect anything less.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kick~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you eat, Boris leads you out of the park to a clearing in the woods, sports bag in hand. In the clearing are two makeshift goals made out of branches. In the middle of the clearing is a football. You squeal happily. Football had always been special to you, but it is even more so with Boris. It was after a football game that he had asked you out.

"Wanna play a game? One-on-one?" He asks, already knowing the answer.

You nod, and the two of you go to your respective part of the field. On the count of three the two of you rush to the ball. Boris gets there first, kicking the ball away from you but to your goal. You can't have that, now, can you? You run alongside him, trying to get the ball from him. Wait-There! You've got it!

You run with the ball, laughing in exhilaration. Boris tries to get the ball, but he can't keep up with your feet of fury. He goes to knock you aside, but you kick the ball a bit harder, sending it away from you and into the goal. SCORE!

You play like this for an hour and a half more. The final score was 9 You and 5 Boris. You push back your (h/c) hair back from your sweaty forehead, chugging a bottle of water you found in the sports bag. The time had changed to night a while back, and it was cold and breezy.

Boris wrapped his boa around the both of you, pulling you to lay beside him. The two of you watch the stars for a little while in silence, cuddling into each other for warmth. You stroke his ears, making him purr softly. It was so peaceful, but you knew you were forgetting something… something important… OH YEAH.

"Hey Boris, what was it that I had forgotten about today? I still can't remember." You ask quietly, not wanting to disturb the calm atmosphere.

Boris chuckles, his warm breath passing over your face.

"Today a year ago, we came here to play a game of football. That day, I asked you to be my girlfriend, and you said yes."

Ok, now you feel like a crappy girlfriend. How could you have forgotten your anniversary? Sure, the time change thing confuses your sense of days and time, and sure, you've always been forgetful, but still. This was important! You sit up to get a better view of his face.

"Oh god Boris, I'm so sorry! I don't know how I could've forgotten! I promise I'll make it up to you! I'll get you fish every day and-"

Boris sits up and places a finger over your lips. He is smiling, but it is not his usual playful smile. It's warm, gentle. It makes you feel safe. He looks into your soft (e/c) eyes.

"It's ok (y/n). I just wanted us to have a fun day and show you how much I love you. It didn't matter whether you knew why or not."

You leaned into his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso.

"Still, is there anything I can do to make it up for you?"

His playful smile returns.

"Hmmm, well… Maybe a kiss would suffice?"

You smile back at him, leaning up. Your faces are barely an inch apart. One of your hands moves up to wind around his neck, playing with his hair.

"Oh my, that's quite the request. I'm not sure I can go along with such an outrageous demand!"

His eyes glow with a mischievous light, and they appear to be coming closer.

"Oh, that's just too bad."

You close your eyes as his lips touch yours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Goal~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**So I may have taken a few liberties with this story, but just writing about Reader-tan playing a sport was too short, and so I decided to show an entire day with Reader-tan and Boris. I hope it's still good and I apologize if I got anything wrong about football/soccer. I really know nothing about it. **

**Now, onto my three request rules. They are simple and easy to follow for anyone with a quarter of a brain.**

**Firstly- No sex. It's fun, it's enjoyable, it's not gonna be in my story.**

**Secondly-Not a lot of detail, Of course you can put some, but don't be like "She is beautiful and likes chocolate and knows Kung Fu and all the guys love her but Peter and Julius especially and they fight over her a lot but she just can't choose between her and eventually she and Joker elope!" No. Just no.**

**Thirdly- No violence that could disturb my other readers. It's Wonderland, so guns are a part of the picture, but nothing grisly or rape-y.**

**KISSmeBecca, your story will be written next. If there's anything else, like one extra tidbit you'd like in there, please PM me with it. To everyone else, I hope you enjoyed it, send me your requests, and please review!**


	5. Bloody TwinsxReader

**Heya everyone! I'm back, and I'm sorry I didn't update over Thanksgiving vacation, but the past three days were pretty hectic, what with work making me miss part of Thanksgiving dinner. And don't even mention Black Friday to me. Uhhhg. But that's in the past, and today I'm doing ****KISSmeBeccas BloodyTwinsxReader. This one's going to be a lot of fun, because the Bloody Twins are just the cutest psychopaths you could ever meet. I have yet to get a new request, so please send them in so this story can continue.**

**Annotation Guide**

**(y/n)-Your name**

**(h/l)-Hair length**

**(h/c)-Hair color**

**(e/c)-Eye color**

**(y/f/f)-Your favorite food**

**Have fun reading~**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Innocent Children~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Slow down guys! You're gonna rip my arm off!" You screamed as you do your best to keep up with the two boys. They were leading you by the arm through the dense forest, ducking the fast approaching tree branches, leaving you to get hit. You try to protect your face with your free arm but the branches still grab at your (h/c) hair, pulling some out.

You had always had a special place in your heart for kids, which is probably why you were so drawn to the two guards at first. Of course, you quickly realized they were no ordinary twins, even before they showed you their special ability to become adults at whim. They were too violent, too… Well, too knowledgeable of what no child should yet know. But at other times they were very childlike, fighting with each-other for their favorite toy/weapon or for your attention.

That is why you were with them now. Though you knew that they weren't as innocent as they appeared, you couldn't say no when they asked you so sweetly to spend the day with them. You blame the infamous puppy-dog eyes; you were never good at resisting them. So, when they arrived at your door with two hefty backpacks and mischievous grins, you knew that any suffering at the Bloody Twins hands was all your entire fault.

Said twins were now laughing at your pitiful attempts to both protect yourself and keep up with them. Luckily for your face and dignity, you had apparently arrived at Dee and Dum's chosen spot. It was a break in the trees, marked by a field of tall grass and a small mound rising up in the middle. It was very peaceful, so you were immediately suspicious. There was no way these devil twins didn't have something up their sleeves when they brought you to this secluded area.

Dee danced in front of you, looking up hopefully into your (e/c) eyes.

"Do you like it Onee-san?"

"Yeah,' Dum joined his brother, tugging on your sleeve." Is it ok for today?"

Dammit, why do they have to be so cute?

"It's very nice." You say, "What are we doing today? Hide and go seek? Tag?"

The twins giggle, looking at each-other with mirth in their eyes. They then turn their attention to their backpacks, which they had dropped. Dum goes to rustle through his bright red bag, pulling out three bags stuffed with an assortment of different kinds of food.

"Let's have a picnic Onee-san!" He says brightly.

"We stole lots of food from the kitchens, so you can have as much as you want Onee-san!" Dee adds from your side, still watching your face for your reaction.

You are still suspicious, but a picnic _did_ sound nice, so you smile brightly down at them and accept one bag from Dum.

"I would love to have a picnic, thank you. Why don't we eat on that hill?" You ask, already walking towards it.

The twins seem excited at the idea, and they race past you, competing to see who could get there first. You walk much more casually behind them, watching their antics with a smile. It was charming in a way only kids could pull off.

Eventually you reach the top of the mound, where the twins were waiting for you. The mound was covered in soft, sweet smelling grass, and the very top was almost flat due to the gradual slope. It was the perfect place for a picnic, and you are impressed with Dee and Dum's planning.

The twins had already laid out a checkered blue and red blanket, backpacks laid to the side. They jumped onto you, pulling you to the ground with a loud "OOMPH".

"Onee-san! You made it!" Dee said, arms wrapped around your neck as Dum holds onto your other side.

You laugh.

"Of course I did! What, did you think I'd get lost?"

The twins look at each-other for a moment, exchanging a glance unreadable to you, before shrugging.

"We thought you might've left." Dum said, obviously sad at the very thought.

You wrap your arms around them in a warm hug, placing a kiss on their foreheads.

"Silly boys, I would never leave you by yourselves." You say gently.

They look at you with hope and adoration in their eyes.

"Never ever?" They say in unison.

"Never ever ever." You promise solemnly.

A grin spreads across their faces, and for a moment you think you see a vicious glint in their eyes, but it is gone in a second.

"Good." Dee says "Now we can eat."

"We brought your favorite, too! Doncha love us, Onee-san?" Dum adds, tone light and innocent.

You smile, and gently push them off so that you can unwrap the food.

"Oh yes, very much. I may even love you more than I love your food- Oh wait, no I don't!" And with that you make a mock-grab for Dee and Dum's plates, eliciting a cry of outrage from the twins.

'You know,' You think happily as you play wrestle with the twins. 'Maybe you were just being overly paranoid. Mischievous they may be, the twins would never do anything bad to you!'

In your defense, you were blinded by good food and cute kids.

The three of you enjoyed your meal of (y/f/f) after your play wrestle evolved into a mini food fight. You won without question-never mind what the twins may say. You know how kids sometimes lie. After you forced them to help you clean up the mess made by your battle, Dee and Dum ran out into the fields of grass to play. You stayed laying on the mound, finding it easy to supervise from your high position. Eventually, despite your best efforts, the warm sun mixed with a full belly pulled your eyes to a close.

'It's not like they can't take care of themselves.' You thought sleepily, 'A little nap can't hurt…'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sinful Adults~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're awoken by the feeling of hair tickling your cheek. Scrunching up your face, you to try brush the hair out of your face. You can't. You can't move your hands at all. You look around in a panic, and you see what is restricting you. Your hands have been bound by some kind of sturdy rope to a metal spike in the ground, which looks freshly placed.

This is your cue to promptly flip the fuck out. You pull at your hands desperately, thrashing your legs in a mad attempt to get free. You begin to go into hysterics, breaths coming out in frantic bursts, tears streaming down your face.

"Awww, (y/n) Onee-san doesn't like our surprise!" A familiar voice, a man's voice, speaks from somewhere behind you. You attempt to twist your head around to see your captor, but you find it is impossible.

"And after we worked so hard on it, too! (y/n) Onee-san is so mean!" Another voice, also male, also familiar speaks up. You turn your head and you're met with black leather boots. Eyes traveling up, you see a black pinstriped suit, dark hair, and red eyes.

It's Dum, and you'd bet your vial that the man behind you is Dee. They're in their adult forms, which just set you even more on edge. Perhaps this is what you get for underestimating The Bloody Twins. If you had only listened to Elliot's myriad of warnings you wouldn't be in this position.

'D-Dee! Dum! You-You let me go right this instant! This isn't funny!" You say, doing your best to sound authoritative and control you stutter.

Dee steps into your field of vision, a petulant pout on his face.

"But Onee-san~ We wanted to play with you!"

"Aren't you having fun?" Dum whines, standing next to his brother.

You shake your head violently.

'_N-No_! I most certainly am NOT having fun!" You kick one of your legs at the pair, but they are too far away to reach.

The twins expressions crumble, and they turn to each-other.

"What do we do, brother? (y/n) Onee-san doesn't like our surprise!" Dum asks his brother, and you distantly note how weird it is to hear such a childish sentence coming out of a seemingly gown man.

"I know, brother. What should we do to make it better for Onee-san?" Dee replies.

The two of them fall into a pondering silence, and for a while the only thing you can hear is the rapid beating of your own heart. Eventually an idea seems to come to them, and they turn to each other with bright smiles.

"We'll just make it fun for Onee-san!" They say in unison, and then they turn to you.

If they were in their child form, the look they give you would merely be taken as playful, but in their adult form?

It is wicked.

In a flash they are kneeling beside you, Dee on your left and Dum on your right. You fruitlessly try to move away from them, but two strong hands from both sides stop you in your tracks. Dum nuzzles your neck as Dee leans in close, his bright blue eyes swiftly approaching your terrified (e/c). His lips meet yours; first softly, then growing more passionate as his free hand reaches up to tangle into your (h/l), (h/c) hair.

So distracted are you with Dee's ministrations that you are completely caught off guard when Dum bites your neck viciously, drawing blood. You yelp in pain, allowing Dee to slips his tongue inside your mouth. His tongue is surprisingly skillful, and when paired up with Dum's now-gentle licking at your neck, you can't help the moan that escapes your mouth.

Dee and Dum freeze, before leaning back to look at you. You're blushing and panting hard, and you're not sure if it's from fear or… something else. Dee and Dum's grins grow even wider. They lean in to whisper into your ears.

"We knew we could make it fun for you, (y/n). Let's play a game, we're sure you're gonna _love_ it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An Ensnared Woman~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**You know, I think that my chapters are getting longer with each one I do. I'm glad, usually I have trouble with writing enough to be considered a decent chapter. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this ****KISSmeBecca! It was a lot of fun. If anyone would like to request a new pairing, or maybe you'd like a repeat of a character already written in a different light, please tell me in a review. As for the rules of requests, they are as follows:**

**No sex. As I have shown in this chapter, I don't mind alluding to it, but I want to keep this story T-rated.**

**Please don't tell me every little detail of your story. I don't mind some detail, but I need some room to expand upon.**

**I don't want a lot of violence. No hacking up people or, god forbid, rape. I don't judge, but that **_**so**_** isn't me.**

**Please tell me if you like it. If you find anything that needs correcting, please please let me know. This goes for every chapter. And, again, if you have a request please tell me in a review.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Saria.**


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